friday,things haven't been going really well for me recently. and sometimes, it makes me really scared.
the school term's ending in a week. and as much as i hate school, i don't want it to end. to be honest, i don't mind doing without the holidays. okay, i know this is so not me, but i'm extremely terrified of the holidays.
firstly, i'll miss the school. though i'm always complaining about it, but i've somehow grown a liking to it. i hate the classrooms, but i kinda like the other parts of the campus, especially the grandstand. strange but true, the grandstand plays a huge part in my life, and i wonder how i'll be able to survive without it for the next two months.
frankly speaking, i don't mind repeating the whole of this year. 2007 passed so damn quickly that i can't even remember what i did in the first few months. and being 14/15 feels good. it doesn't bother me that i can't watch NC16 or M18 films since there's such a thing as DVD. not being able to go into clubs may be a good thing, and even if you want to, there are so many fake IDs around. getting a job while you're still 14/15 isn't easy, but why do you need a job when you get pocket money from your parents?
maybe i'm just afraid, afraid to move on, afraid to see what the future holds, afraid of A levels, afraid to grow old, afraid to enter the working class, afraid to earn my own living, afraid of not being able to find that special someone, afraid that i'll lose the ones dearest to me, afraid to see doomsday...
and i so dread the day 4th dec, cause that might probably be the last time i'll see my favourite buddy. :'(
why can't we all just stay the way we are? why do we have to move on? IP1 life was great and i hope IP2 would be too. things are going to be different, very different in fact. nevertheless, i would keep 2007 close to my heart.
i am such a fucking retard. while others are fighting to stay alive for just a few more days, here i am, complaining about life and how i'd rather just die. i'm terribly sorry and i know you'll be able to make it through.
&thank you Jing Min, Jie Qi, Marilyn and some others for being such sweethearts these few days.
honestly, nothing really matters to me now.
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