october 23rd[currently listening to:] The Fourth Drink Instinct by Cute Is What We Aim For
[currently reading:] I Don't Want To Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz
[current mood:] pissed/crazy/pregnant/hungry/weird/insane/frustrated/tired/jumpy/restless/discouraged/down/cynical
Things are moving so fast.
I am going to die.
I am going to die.
I am going to die.
My hands are shaking.
I try to squeeze them, try to make it stop,
but now my fists are shaking,
and this shaking is working its way through me.
It must look like I am having a fit.
I want to let the scream out,
but I think if I start,
I'll never stop.today wasn't a good day at all. i'm feeling like shit now, and i don't even know why.
the 100 shots and taekwondo aren't helping. i think i need something else. a cool suicide, perhaps? an overdose is so overrated andjumping off the building is a definite no no (it's like so loser-ish). ah i can't think of anything. or shall i just hire someone to kill me?
okay, ignore me. i'm just some moron with nothing better to do.
but honestly, there's nothing that's good for us. like what's the point of trying so hard when we're all going to die someday? and i think, i've almost completely lost my purpose and meaning in life. even my two new interests aren't enough to motivate me cause i know it'll be a long time till i'm good enough for anything.
i was so close to buying a self-help/self-motivation book today while i was in Kinokuniya. but i bought something else instead. i think books are good. i wouldn't mind going to Borders or Kino everyday cause i'm always able to find something new and interesting there.
so Jenny invited me to spend Christmas with her and the rest of them back in Münchhausen. but i won't. not this year, maybe the next. and i sacrificed Taiwan and the US of A for my buddy wuddy fuddy duddy. you'd better be touched okay. otherwise you die. i swear i will swing you around more violently than i usually do.
YES, YOU KNOW I SO WOULD.
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